Beginners guide to thoughtful negotiations
Nearly all economics models have this common assumption of people being “rational” in their behaviour. But if you spend more time with reality, you will begin to question the assumption.
Yes, we all would like to think of us as rational to satisfy our stouted egos but the reason behind every regret in our life is an underlying “irrationality”.
One common way our irrationality creeps in, is in our “negotiations”. Be it that deal you wanted to crack or that salary raise you were asking for, negotiation is a manipulative art that can come handy and if you don’t really employ it then someone else will (against you).
In this article, I will answer what you can do to mould any conversation to your favour and come out with a clear win.
Understand
The key to any negotiation is an understanding of emotional, monetary and other motives behind the person you are negotiating with.
Observe the person. gather as much information as possible by observing cues that one drops when interacting with you. These cues will help you apply the principles listed below. The very act of just listening will come a long way.
Avoid close-ended questions
Once you have applied the good old principle of “Understanding” and gained insight into what the other person’s motivations are, it’s time to ask some questions to build the conversation. Disclaimer: not just any questions but “how” and “what” questions.
This way if you avoid close-ended questions that can be answered in “Yes/No”, you will prompt the other person to think.
Eg: rather than asking your boss, if you deserve a raise (which can be answered in yes/no), try asking them, what are the parameters that he considers while giving someone a raise?
Pass on the thinking to the other person
Trust me, we all want to avoid thinking and navigating through complex questions. In negotiations, you can always pass the burden to think to the other person. So if someone says that your deal is not fair. Try asking them, why do they think it’s not fair? And what according to them will make the deal fair?
This will avoid you to rethink the deal and at the same time gain a better understanding of what is turning them off.
Be like them
We like people who are like us. Thus imitating phrases from someone’s questions and using it to answer it will make the answer sound right (even if it is not). Used erroneously, this could be fatal for any valuable discussion. Watch how Kellyanne Conway (counsellor to Trump), uses it to dodge some questions and make it hard to interview her.
Also imitating the body language and tonality can amplify the effect even further.
Use the right tonality voice:
In most negotiations, your voice will be your first impression and using the right tonality can greatly strengthen your stance.
As Chris Voss describes in this book “Never split the difference”, there are 2 safest tonalities to approach someone. The first one being “late night FM DJ voice”, basically you add weight to your voice and thus sound more convincing. Watch how Chriss introduces Derek Gaunt to showcase how this late-night FM DJ voice sounds like;
Address the emotion
We, humans, are emotional beings. No matter whom you are negotiating with, you can use the principle of 3 WHYs (reason out why someone is saying something up to 3 levels) to find out the underlying emotions.
Once you have an understanding of the emotional intent behind someone’s words, you can address that emotion to get them to open up. Try addressing the emotion with this template: ”I think you must be feeling (emotion)”. This way you can avoid a setback as you have not expressed certainty in your address.
The same technique works if you wish to wish to diffuse the negativities in some argument. Simply address it!
Eg: If someone didn’t have a good experience with your product and you did some corrections and want to get them to buy from you again. First, address their concern with respect to their first purchase.
Negotiation as a skill can be useful for all of us dealing with other people on a daily basis. You could be a Founder, negotiating with investors to invest in your startup or you could be a sales manager trying to convert that client you have been pitching for so long.
Learning the art of negotiation takes time and effort and ground knowledge, so the next time you are talking to someone use your favourite principle from the ones mentioned above and you will notice the difference it makes.
May the force be with you!
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